Hello, this is Shibohna! Bella asked me to write the blog this month, as she is busy elsewhere. If you have read our stories in the Bella Santini Chronicles books, you know that I was targeted by the bully Novaq when I started at Yelimoon. He had the ridiculous notion that I wasn’t good enough to attend the school; he thought I wasn’t a fairy.
When I started at Yelimoon, I was so excited! Being the first fairy from my area selected for the prestigious school was quite an honor; I felt blessed! Yet as soon as I arrived at the school, I felt like I didn’t belong. None of my magic worked. Every time I spoke a spell, unexpected things happened. I was so embarrassed! I couldn’t talk about it with my parents; they were so proud of me being here. How could I tell them that I didn’t measure up?
I didn’t know that Novaq contaminated my fairy dust, which caused my spells to go awry. All I knew was that I was the least talented fairy in the school. I wanted to crawl into a hole. No one knows how many nights I spent under my blankets, crying over my inability to perform magic at the level I used to. My magic wasn’t working like the magic of the other fairies; I knew I didn’t belong.
In the Fae world, our parents teach us to feel our feelings. They also teach us we must process our feelings. We allow them to flow by becoming aware of our feelings, acknowledging our feelings, and accepting that it is ok for us to have the feeling. This is important because feelings that aren’t allowed to flow can create energy blocks that impact your perspectives and health.
But when you feel you are a failure, how can processing that feeling help? There are times when we have to dig a little deeper! For one, I had to allow the feeling so that I didn’t create a block. But after I allowed the feelings, my circumstances continued; my spells still didn’t work. From my parents’ teachings, I knew that my circumstances do not create my reality, and that which I focus on expands. So I needed to separate from my circumstances; yes, Novaq corrupted my magic; but I could choose to let it control my life, or I could create the reality I wanted.
In this case, I needed to tap into my heart and ask questions. Was I really a failure? Or was that feeling caused by my temporary circumstances? I knew that I qualified to attend Yelimoon because of my magical abilities. So the circumstances of my failure to perform magic accurately did not reflect my whole life; thus, I could decide that I wasn’t a failure. Remembering who I am was key to my overcoming my circumstances.
Sometimes, the words and phrases of critical people fill our minds. I kept hearing my schoolmates’ sneers every time I tried to complete a magical assignment that failed. One of my parents told me thoughts are energy, and when we grab onto a thought, we embed that energy within. I knew I couldn’t listen to my mind, so I felt into my heart. My heart told me I could do magic, despite my current circumstances. So I decided I didn’t have to be the victim of my circumstances. Once I decided, I stepped into the space where I was open to having my friends augment my magic.
I know that when the timing is right, my magical abilities will be restored. But, for now, I can rest in knowing who I am, and that is enough.